I think it was 2015 when I was introduced to BTS. One of my friends in high school was obsessed with them, and it was slightly intimidating to me. I guess that’s how I was with One Direction when they were still together, though. The first song I heard was “Butterfly”. It sounded good, but the rest of their music (at the time) just wasn’t clicking with me.
To add onto that, I was trying my hardest to learn everyone’s names and tell them apart. The fandom seemed way too overwhelming to navigate, and, as I think many can say about other artists, it was insanely difficult at the time for me to separate fandom and music. I felt pressured to like them, but as much as I wanted to, I just couldn’t get into them.
Time would pass, and I tried giving their music a chance over and over again. I would give the fandom a chance as well. Nothing was clicking, and it was a little frustrating. I saw my friends being so in love with this K-Pop boy band, but why? I just didn’t get it…
TRANSFORMATION
But when I first listened to Love Yourself:Her, I started to get it. When Hope World came out, I got it. When Love Yourself:Tear came out, I fully understood what was up. I whole-heartedly rocked with this band. I visited the Line Friends store when I was in New York last year and picked up my first BT21 merch.
Over time, my love for BTS escalated. I also realized something… there were a whole lot of people who knew I didn’t like them, and I just didn’t want to deal with any sort “oh so NOW you like them?” type of comments. Believe it or not, many people on stan Twitter feel like it’s wrong to start liking an artist “all of a sudden”.
I’ve definitely seen my share of it, and didn’t want to become a target – especially since I feel like I’ve been getting more and more private online, distancing myself from drama or anything that could start it up. My fangirling was kept between myself and a few friends. I sat out on going to see BTS at the Rose Bowl for fear of backlash.
I REGRET MY DECISIONS EVERY SINGLE DAY, BUT WHAT MATTERS IS HERE AND NOW.
Anyways, time passed and I was out here doing me – enjoying their music, fangirling over fancams, and going to the Line Friends store in Hollywood. BTS would make me indescribably happy, and I had no excuse to hide it. I truly stopped caring about how other people felt about it, because it was MY happiness, and not necessarily theirs.
Then the rumors started circulating that BTS would be performing at 102.7 KIIS FM’s Jingle Ball this year. I wasn’t emotionally prepared for the bloodbath that would be me trying to secure tickets during the Capital One presale. As you guys have seen, I’ve been attending the LA Jingle Ball for the past 3 years. Getting tickets is a challenge each time, even during the Capital One presale.
A few weeks later, the lineup was announced… and BTS were on it! Although it was nerve wrecking, me and my best friend Diandra scored the exact seats we wanted during the Capital One presale.
The weeks leading up to the event were an emotional rollercoaster. But you know what? Everything worked out.
I never thought I’d be capable of liking BTS and calling myself an ARMY. I never thought I’d have the honor of seeing BTS live, and being a part of history like that. But, I did, and here’s this year’s Jingle Ball story…
OMG, IT’S THE DAY!
The morning of the show, Diandra and I spent hours getting ready. I was blasting On Air With Ryan Seacrest from the moment I got up, and I really couldn’t contain myself. I remember having to make a quick run to Walmart before leaving town, and I was already wearing my dress and Koya ears!
When we were passing through Newport Beach, I started to see clouds rolling in. I was like
I had my hair blown out, and water is a huge no no in order to keep my hair straight! This meant we needed to get ponchos ASAP. I didn’t bring umbrellas because it wasn’t supposed to rain, and I didn’t think that The Forum would allow them. So once we got to Inglewood, we stopped at Target. I found some ARMYs and we exchanged freebies, and that felt awesome.
Then we got dropped off at The Forum, and it was pouring! It was as if mother nature decided we didn’t deserve rights. There was a truck with electronic billboards of Jimin. It was raining so hard, I couldn’t even take a picture of it/with it! I had to keep my phone dry, so that meant putting it away.
I HATE RAIN ONLY WHEN IT’S INCONVENIENT. THIS WAS SUPER INCONVENIENT.
The line to get into the pre-show Jingle Ball Village was VERY long, and I’d say 99% of the people I saw in line were ARMYs. This made me very happy, and it was interesting to hear where everyone traveled from. But it also made me realize that out of all the years I’ve been to Jingle Ball, I’ve never seem this much support for one artist as I had this year with BTS. Although the doors for the village were supposed to open at 2PM, Didi and I didn’t end up getting inside until after 3. The rain was truly killing my vibe, but I kept telling myself that eventually it would clear up and I was only hours away from seeing BTS.
Every year, there’s many different things to do in the village. It’s free and open to the public, so even if you don’t have a ticket to the main Jingle Ball show inside The Forum, you can still come out and enjoy the fun! There’s a stage with performers, opportunities to win meet and greets with those performers, a ferris wheel, cool activations from the sponsors, giveaways, and most importantly… a ton of contests to win tickets into the main show!
This year, KIIS FM had a Twitter contest during the village for BTS meet and greets. In order to participate, one had to be inside the village from 2-4PM, tweet a picture of yourself, and use a specific hashtag. Unfortunately, by the time Didi and I got inside, my phone service was already non-existent…. so no internet for me! It was overwhelming.
That didn’t mean I didn’t have an incredible artist experience in store for me though… hahaha…
I’M A VIP, Y’ALL
Literally two days before Jingle Ball, I found out that I won a contest to meet Lizzo! I was out drinking boba, trying to get some work done. I had my email tab open, and an email came in saying that I was going to be meeting Lizzo. How on earth was I supposed to function after getting that news? Hmm…
In addition, Diandra and I got to meet emerging artist Breanna Rubio at the Jingle Ball Village. Breanna is a very talented singer/songwriter/performer who has collaborated with artists such as Tyga and Fat Joe! She was very sweet, and I can’t wait to see her again.
The afternoon turned into evening very quickly, and just before we made our way inside the arena, we got to catch Louis Tomlinson perform on the Jingle Ball Village stage!
Look, I wasn’t even up against the stage, and yet that was the closest I’ve ever been to Louis. While I feel like I’m not the type to “freak” out that hard in the crowd anymore, things got real for me when he said “a massive thank you”. I haven’t seen Louis since the last time I saw 1D so that really hit me.
Tommo’s performance was full of enthusiasm, charm, and it was only a taste of what we can expect to see on his 2020 tour!
BUCKLE UP, WE GOIN IN
It was finally time to go inside the arena! As people began to spill in, the purple and white lights of the ARMY bombs began appearing. It was such a great feeling. And as showtime got closer, there were screams and fanchants.
Usually I clearly remember at least one song that plays before a concert, and when I listen to it in the future, it holds even more of a special meaning than it may have before. The one song I remember hearing in the arena was “A Sky Full Of Stars” by Coldplay. As people began to wave their ARMY bombs around and the arena got a little darker, it felt like we really were stars lighting up the sky.
During the final countdown, it was nothing but screams. Again, it’s very hard for me to produce screams these days. My lungs don’t really have the power to do that anymore, but guess what? I let out every single scream that I could.
Ryan Seacrest came on stage to welcome everyone to the show and introduce BTS. Ryan was almost inaudible due to all of the screams, but honestly, does the world’s biggest boy band even need an introduction?
I PURPLE YOU
Since the beginning, it was easy to tell that ARMYs would completely take over and claim this event as ours. If there were any doubts that (that) was taking place, they were completely wiped away once BTS hit the stage.
RM, Jin, Suga, J-Hope, Jimin, V, and Jungkook looked stunning in their matching white suits.
BTS performed “Mic Drop”, “Make It Right”, “Boy With Luv” (with Halsey on stage too!), and they took a moment to thank everyone for coming. They were only given 15 minutes of stage time, but to the majority of us in the crowd, those were some of the best 15 minutes of our lives.
LOWKEY?
There was definitely a collective feeling of sadness and confusion when BTS got off the stage. Why did THE act pretty much everyone came to see have such a short set? While there’s *still* many theories floating around, one thing was for sure: post concert depression was starting to set in when the concert was only getting started. Many people left the show once BTS finished, but for those who stayed… things got interesting.
Billie Eilish was up next, and did her absolute best to keep the crowd’s spirits high. Who can resist singing along to “Bad Guy”, which was one of the year’s top hits? Billie even received a sea of green lights, as ARMYs quickly shifted the colors on their lightsticks from purple to green.
Once Billie said her goodbyes, the crew quickly began to cover the stage in pink and purple props. That could only mean one thing: Katy Perry was next!
However, I found myself feeling very confused once again. I could’ve sworn that Katy would have been the artist to close out the show, because it just felt right.
Anyways, Katy opened up her set with “Cozy Little Christmas”, her recently re-released Christmas single! While the hitmaker seemed as happy as she could be, the audience’s reception to the song (and most of her set) was rather chilly. Some of her jokes also fell very flat.
Despite this, Katy powered through many of her hits from the past decade, including “Roar”, “I Kissed A Girl”, “Teenage Dream”, “Dark Horse”, “Never Really Over”, and “Firework”. Her latest single “Harleys In Hawaii” was also performed.
LIZZO TIME
After Katy’s set, I was escorted to an area backstage where I’d be meeting Lizzo! While this meant I would be missing Halsey’s set, I was so grateful to be given such an incredible opportunity.
I passed by many rooms where the real Jingle Ball magic was taking place. A show this big requires a team of hundreds of hard working people to make sure everything runs smoothly. It was very humbling being able to walk down those halls. I also got to briefly see the red carpet, and coincidentally, Lizzo was in front of me taking a walk with her team.
This is the part where I start getting (rightfully) extra with you guys. I’ve had the privilege of being able to meet so many of my favorite artists over the years. In addition, this year I photographed many of them. I’ve been backstage at many venues, and I even work at one. In my mind, I was like “this is business as usual hehe” but it’s not. It is never business as usual. Each time I get to do something like this, it is a privilege, and it’s a privilege that can easily be revoked. Being in the same room as a multi-platinum, GRAMMY nominated artist is not business as usual. Thank you Lord.
I was lead into the area where Lizzo and I would be taking “fresh photos with the bomb lighting”! Unlike most meet and greets I’ve been to, I found out we’d be taking selfies – which was so cool! I got to meet some members of Lizzo’s team, and then…
LIZZO APPEARED! She gave me a huge hug, and she is honestly everything you’d expect her to be. Humble, stunning, quirky, and bursting with personality. We took quite a few selfies, but here’s two for you!
There were also cookies, cake pops, and more treats backstage! Shout out to KIIS FM, Fujifilm Instax, and Atlantic Records for such a sweet experience.
SHAMELESS
Once I got back to my seat, I felt a completely different vibe. For starters, I passed by a shocking amount of empty seats. The crowd just seemed exhausted. Many ARMY bombs had been completely turned off, and things felt a little cold. Despite this, I was optimistic that the fun wasn’t over just yet!
Around 9:20, Normani took the stage and spiced things up. Opening with her hit single “Motivation”, Normani pleased the crowd with her vocals, dancing abilities, and overall showmanship.
Normani was followed by fellow Fifth Harmony alumni Camila Cabello. Just like Normani, this was Camila’s second year in a row of taking the Jingle Ball stage. But, this wasn’t just any performance for Camila. Her sophomore album Romance arrived on December 6, the day of Jingle Ball LA. This performance could be considered a bit of an album release celebration!
Rapper French Montana was originally on the bill for this year’s show. Due to some unfortunate medical complications, French was forced to cancel all of his Jingle Ball appearances this year. Truly a bummer, but Louis Tomlinson filled French’s time spot!
I sadly can’t say that the remaining crowd was really feeling his set. Tommo opened up with “Just Hold On”, and it felt like many people were completely tuned out.
As for me, there’s no such thing as too much 1D (individually or collectively)! I shamelessly danced, sang along, and waved my ARMY bomb in the air for him. I had a blast singing “We Made It”, and especially enjoyed “Kill My Mind”!
LIZZO TO THE RESCUE
On the other hand, it was safe to say Lizzo revived the Jingle Ball spirit! She encouraged the audience to be themselves and have fun during her set, which is exactly what everyone did. Opening with “Good As Hell”, Lizzo captured everyone’s attention, and turned the show into a dance party!
Sam Smith was the final performer of the night. By the time they took the stage, I’d say at least half of the crowd had gone home. It was pouring rain outside, and it was a long, emotional night.
I got to watch Sam Smith’s set from up close, and I’m still struggling to find words to describe how awesome their performance was. This wasn’t my first time seeing Sam Smith – I saw them at Jingle Ball in 2017, but this time it was so different. My soul felt satisfied as they sang, danced, and just… slayed. It was a strong ending to such an eventful night, and Sam Smith definitely put on one of my all-time favorite Jingle Ball performances.
WHEN THE PARTY’S OVER
Every year, “All I Want for Christmas Is You” by Mariah Carey plays once the show ends and the crowds begin to file out of the venue. This year, there was no collective sing along, as most of the audience had left before the show ended. It felt so bittersweet this time…
For the past four years, all I’ve wanted for Christmas was to go to Jingle Ball. This year, all I really wanted for Christmas was BTS – and I got that. I felt the love of ARMY the weeks leading up to the event, during the event, and after the event. This is some of the greatest love I’ve felt in my whole life.
Post concert depression is very real. Just like BTS constantly strive to be the best artists they can be, I strive to be the best writer and photographer I can be. It took me three weeks to find the strength to write and finish this post.
I just never knew BTS’ music would have such an impact on my life. Whether I’m happy, sad, angry, scared, or anything in between, their music has helped me remain level headed. I can’t say that about many artists I listen to. Their music is truly euphoric.
I’ll probably always be judged by someone for my music tastes, but I’ll no longer allow it to affect me. Music is universal, and can be loved by anyone anywhere. Do what makes you happy.
Merry Christmas.
