For most of my life, I thought soldiers were just people who went to war in different countries. This was especially true as a kid. I thought they were all camo wearing, machine gun holding adults who stood up tall and ready to fight for my freedom. But throughout the past few years, my perspectives on many things have changed drastically. Some of them changed over time, while some literally changed overnight. That’s what life is capable of doing.
Life is also capable of making you ask yourself questions all the time. For me, some of these questions included: Why did I have to spend so much time being friends with people who turned out to be so toxic? Why did the pandemic have to happen? Why didn’t I know better? Why was I so scared to stand up for myself for so long? Why didn’t I take advantage of these opportunities? The list grows by the day, and sometimes I wish I had been shown the answers earlier. But if there’s one thing I realized in time, it’s the true definition of being a soldier. We all have our own battles, and we face them every single day. Whether we take them on alone or with someone else, it takes so much courage to be able to do it in the first place.
Therefore, we are soldiers too, and Dylan Dunlap is here to salute you with his new EP Soldier On.
As a child, Dylan taught himself how to play the piano. He also taught himself about music production as a teen, but he didn’t quite see music as something he’d pursue for his own sake. Dylan’s father was a devout film composer, and at one point it started to seem as though his father’s career was hindering their relationship. “It got so crazy, it got to the point where he needed to ask me for help,” he recalled. “I just wanted to be there for him any way I could.”
Dylan attended the Berklee College of Music to study film composition, but it wasn’t until he dropped out when he started to realize he could create his own musical legacy. He also realized that there were tons of lessons to be learned outside the walls of an educational institution. He said, “I will always encourage people to pursue their dreams of going to college and getting their degrees, but I was put in a tough situation financially. Even though I had a 4.0 and was building a lot of respect with that school, I just couldn’t afford it. I just always landed on my feet. The second I found out I couldn’t go back, I bought some equipment and started performing on the street.”
While busking, Dylan taught himself how to play the guitar. He covered tons of songs, and soon enough, he found the inspiration to start writing his own original content.
“To go to college… it’s a quarter of a million dollars to go for four years,” he said. “My mother and I just couldn’t do that. I’m from LA, I don’t play some exotic instrument, and all signs were leading to no financial help from the university themselves. I just took the matter into my own hands, made a tip jar and performed down the street. It’s pretty cool to think that’s where I got my roots.”
From the get go, Dylan wanted to make sure his music reflected his own life experiences in the most raw, unfiltered way possible. Being a musician, or a creative in general, isn’t an easy feat. Navigating through the music industry alone isn’t easy either, and it can often lead to feeling stuck in one place. Dylan clearly remembers the days when he would tell others he had a manager, when in reality he did not. He also remembers writing and signing off on emails using someone else’s name. Reflection can also come with gratitude, which is something Dylan deeply values.
“It’s okay to feel stuck,” he acknowledged. “I just think the grass is always going to be greener. We’re always going to want more than what we have, and we’ll never be satisfied. Accepting that is everything. I think it’s about acknowledging that, but then following it up with something of gratitude. I would not believe myself if I told my younger self that I was gonna amount to… just what I did in 2020 during a pandemic, achieving all of the things we did.”
Feeling stuck is part of the journey, and it’s often a sign of a strong desire to continue to grow. Dylan realizes that he’s always going to encounter these feelings, but they get balanced out by practicing mindfulness, as well as realizing he’s exactly where he needs to be. It’s important to note that this in itself can be a struggle too, especially as the pandemic continues. I try my hardest to avoid making generalizations, but I strongly believe the pandemic has forced us all to make abrupt changes in our lifestyles. The extent varies by person, but whether we realize it or not, our brains have experienced a pretty hardcore whiplash! They must be treated with care – at all times, but especially now.
Part of Dylan’s self-care regimen is holding onto the seemingly little things. He mentioned, “I’ve struggled a lot, because my favorite thing to do (even more than writing music) is going and seeing a movie. I was struggling a lot last year, because to have that stripped away from you, when that’s like one of the only therapeutic things that can shut my mind off… it’s tough. I’ve learned to fall in love with streaming services and binge things, step away from the computer and show my girlfriend shows that I love, and vice versa. She showed me all of Gilmore Girls last fall, and I showed her Breaking Bad. We’re both trying to read Harry Potter, and go on walks individually and together. Just being easy on yourself.”
The pandemic has also led many people to start pinpointing and addressing their own mental, emotional, and physical needs. During this season, some may have reached out for help from a professional for the very first time. The truth is, it can be absolutely terrifying to reach out to someone. There’s so many stigmas surrounding the act of asking for help, and as it is, help might not be as accessible for some as it should be. There’s those who may think you’re just looking for an easy way out, when in reality there’s never an easy way out. There’s those who might think you’re trying to be pill happy, or maybe trying to do it to “look cool.” And in my personal experience, there might even be some people who just don’t believe how your day to day experience affects you. Throughout the pandemic, I started becoming very self-conscious of some of my behaviors, as well as the way I reacted to and approached certain things. Some of them started becoming harder and harder to brush off, or even hide, as I had tried for years. I made every attempt to make sense of them alone, but I just couldn’t. The first therapist I had seen attributed everything to my anxiety, but it just didn’t add up.
As I sought out a second opinion, I started feeling as though no one was going to understand me. I was asked about my depressive periods back in high school, and at that point I just told myself hey… why hold back if I already know how this is going to go? Another person who isn’t going to understand my battles, and attribute it to me being lazy or choosing to focus on music. Thanks to the grace of God, I was wrong. I was told that it very well seemed like I had ADHD, which can exacerbate anxiety and depression. I was referred to a psychiatrist for testing, and the days leading up to that visit had to have been some of my most tense days in recent history. Again, what if this medical professional just blew my cries for help off? I ended up explaining in detail just about everything that has made me feel like my body and brain are at war with my own self, and sure enough, I was diagnosed. It was so hard for me to accept the fact that after so many failed classes, failed friendships, and just straight up feeling like a failure for years, there I was at 22 being told what was going on.
At the same time, I realized the fact that NO ONE on this planet other than myself will be able to fully understand everything I’ve experienced, because they’re not me. I never asked to go through what I’ve gone through – none of us do. Yet, we’ve all managed to get by. The stories of how we managed to do it will encourage others to keep fighting passionately, and this is what Soldier On is all about.
“I’ve always felt like I’m at war with myself,” Dylan confided. “I spent about 75% of my life not knowing the labels behind my mental health condition and the struggles that encompass it. I’ve just always had to persevere and move forward. I grew up in an environment with my father that wasn’t really welcoming the fact that mental health conditions exist, and accepting that… I’ve learned that… I think a lot of us try to get rid of the problems that we struggle with. A lot of us like to think of ‘overcoming’ and becoming a success story someday, so you can look back and explain, ‘I had depression but now I don’t, look at me now!’ I think the truth is, there’s a lot of people out there that struggle just like me, with lifelong conditions. A lifelong diagnosis. It’s, ‘you have this!,’ for me it’s being on the autistic spectrum, and like accepting that you can’t cure that, the world is not going to accept it the way you want them to, and just pushing forward.”
Dylan went on to mention about how the song “Soldier On,” as well as the rest of the EP, is about recognizing and cherishing those who are around you. It’s also about the power in vulnerability, and realizing that it is never a sign of weakness. “I think we’re all just one big team trying to spread awareness of these things that are not talked about enough,” he said. “If they are, then it’s for clout or it’s for a trend. I don’t want to do that, I want to be very blunt about these struggles. I want people to feel seen and heard for the fact that sometimes there is no answer. Sometimes the disorder that you were given, told that you have, born with… there’s nothing you can do other than accept it.”
“So I have this thing, you can think of me as a sob story like The Voice tried to illustrate years ago, or you can see this as a story of strength and soldiering on. Deciding that, this is not how I’m going to identify my life as. There’s so much more.”
With that, it’s important to also realize that vulnerability should not be considered a “messy trait.” Sharing your experiences with others, especially online, takes so much more bravery than many of us even realize. Over the years, there have been many PSAs reminding us to “be careful what you say and post online, because you never really know who’s watching.” We’ve also been taught to not post anything we might end up regretting later on, and the fact that once something hits the internet, it can never be taken back. These words could encourage us to think twice before posting drunk clips on our Instagram stories, or from being hostile to others on any platform. What they shouldn’t encourage though, is a culture of holding back necessary conversations that may or may not include our own personal anecdotes.
Music should be approached the same way as well. Music has the power to bring us comfort anytime and anywhere, and it can truly serve as a companion when we feel alone. Being vulnerable during the songwriting process might not be easy for some, and it’s completely understandable. However, Dylan believes being open is the way to go. “What We Had,” Dylan’s favorite track from Soldier On, is a detailed tribute to his growth as his own person. He noted, “It serves as a reminder that vulnerability always wins. That song, you could call that a risk. You could think, as a pop artist, being that specific in your music might actually drive people away. Somehow, it’s resonating with over a million people.”
Narratives are starting to change, and Dylan will continue to be a part of the change. He explained, “I just want to spread this message where, if you want to reach out to somebody (and that somebody is me) and you just want to say ‘today I tried _____ and I’m proud of it,’ or ‘today I feel like I’ve failed, and I feel really bad… but I’m excited to try tomorrow’. I think during this time, it’s just so easy to sweep it under the rug, and not reach out to those we love. There’s kind of a sense of comfort in technology and talking to people we don’t know. I can’t reach 100% of the world right now through the shows – physically. I just want to open up the floor online and take advantage of this time we’re in right now to see how I can help people feel seen and heard, and hopefully feel seen and heard myself.”
We’re all fighting a good fight, and ultimately, we’re our own heroes! Heroes tend to be presented with awards, so we must give ourselves the recognition we deserve. Whether it be going out to get some coffee, taking a dance break while working at home, or anything else that makes you feel good – be sure to include it in your daily routine.
Recognition can also mean recognizing your feelings, and embracing them better than anyone else could. As Dylan said, “Work on validating yourself. If you feel awful right now, despite if it’s from a circumstance or you struggle with something that makes you feel bad sometimes, validate how you feel. Write it down and accept that it’s okay to feel these things. We’re not made to just ignore them and get rid of them. Make it a habit, daily, and you’d be surprised at how you might make yourself feel better as you keep soldiering on.”
“I didn’t realize I could do this and call myself by my name, Dylan Dunlap, until I was 17 years old.”
If you enjoyed my chat with Dylan, be sure to say hi to him yourself on Twitter and Instagram @iamdylandunlap! Also, take a moment to check out all the great stuff NAMI’s Westside Los Angeles division is up to. For more info, visit namila.org.
